'Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works and glorify your Father who is in heaven."
Last month, as my oldest daughter and I were recapping her Fall ballet season, I asked her what her 2017 dance goals were. She replied, “Miss Melissa told me that I need to work on ‘Owning My Space.’” She explained that ‘owning her space’ is about dancing with confidence from the center of who you are. It is a way of commanding and presenting your art without shame or fear, assured that you have something to offer, regardless of your imperfections and mistakes.
That phrase stirred in my spirit for over a month. Own Your Space.
I have been more then hesitant to own my space in 2016. My husband and I walked through a period of grief about a year ago, concerning our youngest daughter. After years of medical questions with no answers, countless therapies and interventions, we settled into the reality that she is a special needs child. Before we could celebrate this new reality, we had to suffer the death of the hopes and dreams that we had for her to possibly live a ‘typical’ life one day. Grief has a way of disorienting us, and I believe that it is supposed to. Clarity and vision will come, purpose will be renewed, but it is holy and healthy to be weak, and lost, and core-wrenchingly sad during seasons of loss. Trying to ‘Americianize’ ourselves through grief, requiring productivity and microwaved healing, is straight sabotage. It is okay to not ‘own your space’ when what you need to do is concentrate on hanging on. Rest assured, that time will pass.
However, as that season gave way to the following one, and our family’s schedules changed, I became acquainted with my new norms, and felt fresh joy. For the first time in over a decade, I found myself with periods of time that weren’t spoken for by anybody or anything else. (Insert slow side-tear of joy). Yet I found myself making excuse after excuse as to why I didn’t need to write, or work on my podcast and blog…things that I had invested in for a few years. I was starting to self sabotage. I began to wonder what had happened to my vision and drive, now that I was circumstantially ready. I later discovered that this stagnancy was a direct result of unintentionally asking myself all of the wrong questions. And here is how that happened:
After our move to Michigan 4 years ago, and during the various therapies and medical interventions for our daughter mentioned above, I was, for all intents and purposes, hidden. I had a handful of friends that faithfully and prayerfully carried me through that time. I would take months, once an entire year, off of all social media. I submitted myself to what the Lord would later show me was a Luke 1:24 type of seclusion. I needed the presence of God in a desperate and profound way. However, as that season changed, the comfort of remaining invisible and unnoticed prevented me from having to battle fear and shame. We all have that thing that trips us up…and shame would be mine. It just comes so naturally that sometimes I can’t even tell if I am wearing it. Consequently, these are the types if questions that I allowed myself to ask:
What if what I want to create is so embarrassingly lame? How will people brand me?
Do I really want all of my non-Christian friends to know that I actually really believe in Jesus…I mean-just think of all of the stereotypes?
What if I accidentally say something the wrong way…I could about have a heart attack if I had to get into a social media confrontation. Not my style.
Do I have the emotional space to devote to all of the above?
I wouldn’t even make it through the list before I decided to use my time in any and every other way.
But, through all of this, I felt an unsettling dissatisfaction…that I was wasting my time and gifts…and that it had something to do with fear. So, I prayed specifically…I began asking the LORD to answer me…what should I do…quit Flesh & Gold? Stop speaking? Not Write?
And, in HIS great and powerful mercy, I believe that the LORD truly encountered me earlier this week as I was watching a Salt & Light devotional from www.jeanneoliver.ning.com. Very systematically, my specific prayers were being spoken to, one by one.
Jeanne Oliver reiterated, that according the Matthew 5:14, Christ followers are the light of the world, made not to be hidden, but to shine before men so that they may see our good works and glorify the Father (not us) in Heaven. Living out our real lives from the center of our unique callings reveals the Father one to another, and mysteriously, also, to this world.
But that begs the question, then? How do we know what our callings are?
Jeanne Oliver did a beautiful job breaking it down: Each of us have our jobs, passions, gift-mix, and callings:
Jobs are what we do to make money, or support the personal/family goals. (For me, as a SAHM, my job includes taking care of, counseling, and equipping my children, and I work with a flower company) *As a stay at home Mom it is easy to feel ‘unemployed’…or to confuse the job demands of being a mother with your calling as a mother...I like to think of them separately.
Passions are the things that restore us, and bring us life (spending time with the ones we love, being outdoors, creating…)
Giftings are the unique gift mix that you have been given as an individual…the things that come natural for you, and make up the core of who you are. Sometimes referred to as motivational gifts, they tend to be the fire that fuels our paths, and choices. Our gifts also shape the types of relationships we have.
And our callings are the place where the parts of our job, passions, and giftings converge to serve others, and occupy the space that God has uniquely given each of us to fill. Our callings can be identified when we feel that we are doing what we were created to do.
After spending some time organizing my thoughts, I realized that I was allowing myself to ask myself all of the wrong questions…questions stemming from shame, fear, and pride, questions where the answers were all about ‘ME’!
Instead, this is what I should be asking myself…
What are my giftings, passions, and calling? What is my job, and how can I prioritize my life so that I am investing into each of these areas, according to my current season of life. Am I stewarding these areas…am I focused? And most importantly:
“Lord, how do I take these authentic parts of who I am, and how I have been made, and use them to impact the lives of those around me?” -Jeanne Oliver.
We will say NO to the self-promoting, perfection driven, accusatory spirit of this age by identifying, before the Lord, who HE has made us to be. 2017 is the year to boldly and authentically walk in our callings, without shame or pride, shining in these dark times. We get to (not have to) be the people who live confident and generous, serving others from a place of grace, and unashamedly following the LORD. This is the year to ‘Own Our Space.’